3/18/15

Softball: Simian (The Dynamics of Stellar Collapse)

Dear People,

Chris Fure's team annihilated my own in an appalling aerobic ambush that left me shaken to the marrow of my bones, 18-7 (and that's with my peeps under the protection of the 10-run mercy rule for nearly half the game!). This was truly extraordinary given that as the match began, I was feeling waves of Hebraic guilt because Chris had only reluctantly approved the proposed rosters, and indeed, after much reflection, I also had begun to think that my side had so much overwhelming firepower that in the end, nothing could save their little infracaninophilic asses. Of course sport is a speculative lover at best, and perhaps in no more salient a way than the consistently curious chasm between theory and execution.

Now look, it would be easy to highlight those superstars who failed to perform, but these games are always about the team qua team, and as such, individual fault is conceptually alien to my craft as your narrational athletic analyst. Still, it's hard to believe that I inadvertently stacked my side with Alan Shabel, Bryan Walker, Ben Takemoto and Donny, and yet between the four of them, they had zero runs, zero RBIs, zero multi-base hits, 237 fly-outs and perhaps only four singles total to match their 23 errors. Just sayin'.

Again, though, I simply won't cast retrospective aspersions and regardless, those guys are four of the finest and most accomplished gentlemen you'll ever meet. Yet as a captain who thirsts to glean lessons from the often harsh realities of game theory, I think it's fair to conclude that you're not likely to triumph if you draft The Beatles but end up with The Monkees. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning . . . Raymond

PS: There is a 98.43% chance that when the game begins this Sunday morning, I will still be tragically trapped in the cold, dank and possum-infested basement of my sister's Seattle abode. No need to worry though, since I will be delegating all of my constitutional powers to Chris Fure, and he will have all of the accouterments needed to make it happen (including the field reservation, the bucket of equipment, my fool-proof roster of perfectly-balanced teams and of course a variety of batons, tranquilizers and Taser-guns to maintain basic order).


3/18/15

Softball: There in Spirit

Dear People,

In a touching reflection of the enthusiastic response to my inevitable absence, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11 and as of now it is already full. As always, please let me know ASAP if you committed and need to cancel (seriously!), and if you still want in, feel free to get on the wait list or contact me later for news of reopened slots.

Chris Fure will be in charge/$4 for the field/Godspeed…Raymond

PS: As of Sunday morning, you should contact Chris directly at 225-8585 if there are any last-minute calamities.

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