3/14/01
Softball: Screwed
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last weekend’s spine-tingling 23-21 paragon of indomitable aerobic resolve, played out as it was on the fertile red soils of the East Bay’s lush Albanyian coastal plains. Two brief diatribes:
A) Technically, I suppose that my team actually lost, yet let’s not forget that we came back from a 15-2 blow-out in order to place the tying run on base by that final and lugubrious inning. Indeed, I think we all know that frail is the logic which labels winners and losers as nothing more than a fatuous function of total runs scored, and frankly, after 4,000 years of organized sport, you’d think they’d come up with something a bit more equitable.
B) Regardless, there will be those who claim that my team’s stunning rally was nothing more than a result of a cynical 3rd inning fiat to "tip" the game under the pretext of adjusting its competitive timbre. To wit, by seizing the best player on the opposing contingent and forcing him to play and pitch for my side, while offering nothing in exchange except vague promises of a shadowy 10th player who ultimately failed to show.
Oh sure, perhaps there was a heavy-handedness in my decree. Still, I wonder what you all would have done had you seen the forlorn faces of my eight cherished seelenfreunde as they lain effete, demoralized and communally supine under the crushing weight of an immediate 13-run deficit. I suppose that one can still cogently argue that I am guilty of a failed recreational putsch, but as John Calvin told the faithful in 1561, "innocence has no worth if the sin still burns." Needless to say, I think we all see his point.
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Unfortunately, and as you know, my corpus callosum is flooded with the biochemical despair of 1,000 freshly neutered rutting yak whenever I am unable to organize a game. However, the harsh reality of the universe is that all Berkeley and Albany fields are taken through the end of March, and in their infinite wisdom, Oakland refuses to take reservations if they are not made at least two weeks in advance (And to think that I always thought of Jerry Brown as an advocate for the oppressed. Perhaps for the Jews and the Etruscans).
In any case, I am fully aware that your opportunity for aerobic diversion has been spare beyond words, and that many of you are no longer burning the stored glycogens, tryglycerides and lipoproteins that reek havoc in your tiny little veins. All I can say is that I am on top of the situation, and regularly scheduled games are guaranteed to resume no later than Sunday, April 1st. Courage…..Ray
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