2/25/04

Softball: Another Venue in our Bittersweet Diaspora

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s absolutely magnificent 28-26** paragon of inimitable asterisk-ridden aerobic theatre, played out as it was on the mud-laden, frightening and thoroughly unpleasant tundra of Willard Junior High School. The fact is that a more craven athletic people would have instantaneously dissolved in despair once they were denied TWO homelands in a single morning, but that’s just not our scene—No, we’re not quitters, we’re more like a rapacious recreational tribe of roaming geo-slutwhores, and in all candor, just writing that makes me proud.

In any case, one could argue that Jeremy’s team "beat" mine, but let the record show that in point of fact, not only did my side nearly rally to win from a cataclysmic 21-0 deficit going into the 3rd, but that the hard, cold reality is that their first 13 runs, all scored in the top of the 1st, are of completely dubious legitimacy. Allow me to explicate, if you’d be so kind:

Shortly after my team took the field at the beginning of the game, I started to notice that my players were somewhat timid in their pursuit of the ball, and indeed, I began to wonder if there was something askew after we failed to get a single out for the first 16 fucking batters. As it turned out, I quickly determined that pernicious rumors had swept my outfield, and that our basic defenses were now being compromised by a gnawing fear of landmines strewn throughout Willard’s stark and craggy sod.

I immediately assured my people that the field was safe, and that someone on the other side had spread this tripe as nothing more than a form of brutal psychological terror. Indeed, it’s no coincidence that Jeremy chose to have his team bat first, and ultimately, I suppose there is nothing illegal about what they did. Still, I think we all know that our cherished sport does not exist within an ethical vacuum, and that ultimately, my team’s 28-26 loss was a moral 26-15 victory in every sense of the term.

Regardless, I should also point out that the second asterisk is completely irrelevant, though I have noted it on the record since some on the other side were a tad "frustrated" with my own performance as their 6th and 7th inning courtesy-catcher. Apparently, I managed to throw away the ball virtually every time I touched it, and for that I truly apologize. However, I can assure you that I played that position in absolute good faith, and thus I can say with pristine conscience and unalloyed pride that my four or five or six errors were nothing more than genuine garden-variety ineptitude. And therefore, there will be a game at either Codornices, Kleeberger, Willard or perhaps even some other God-forsaken pit this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond


2/29/04

Softball: Flexible

Dear People,

There will be a game this Sunday at 11:00, someplace where we’ll be loved, caressed and appreciated, but you’ll have to wait until that morning to find out the exact locale. If we end up going for Kleeberger, I may ask you to get there at 10:30 in order to stave off the soccerites and other softball-hating groups. I realize this cuts into your beauty sleep, but if it’s any consolation, I believe that every single one of you are already among the most gorgeous specimens on the face of the earth.

$2 for Codornices/Seven slots still left/All non-community people are welcome to commit….Raymond 845-7552




Softball: Sunday 9:30 AM: Gambling

Willard is still pretty soaked, Kleeberger will soon be seized by insidious Cal LaCrosse types and Codornices appears to be still offically closed. However, the city has not updated their field phone line for today, and therefore we will meet at CODORNICES since it is basically dry and totally playable. As the most visible amongst us, I will take the risk of jail, crippling fines and the approbrium of our community, unless of course, I can convince the relevant law enforcement officials that Frank is responsible for us being there.

In brief: We’ll meet at Codornices and retreat elsewhere if forced to/The group before us is already doing batting practice/Three slots left/See ya at 11:00….Ray

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