Softball: Iowa (A Somewhat Strained Foray into My Favorite Conspiracy)
Dear People,
Alan Brill's team ravaged my own, 19-11, as if they were one of those hideous Burmese pythons that slowly squeeze the oxygen from their innocent victims' lungs. Indeed, my side was methodically choked into the lifeless communal carcass of a contingent whose entire reserves of mojo juice were left tragically spilt on that dusty patina of home-plate filth. And other trajectories of florid narration.
In any case, it was the Brillster himself who was both their inimitable font of tactical sagacity and their masterful lynchpin on the mound. More specifically, it was he who shut down my very best hitters with his typically wily repertoire of highly arching slider, spit and semen balls.
I mention all this because I happened to read about a just released poll of likely 2012 Republican primary voters in which 51% say that they believe Barrack Obama was born outside the United States and is thus an unnaturalized illegal alien who is not constitutionally qualified to be president. An additional 21% are 'not sure,' and of those 51% who are, 83% have a favorable opinion of former Alaska Governut Sarah Palin.*
Now look, this is a softball missive, not a political blog, and so this will not be the place where I gently suggest that said party may be a bit top-heavy with what we in my abnormal psychology seminar used to call 'morons.' Nor am I going to suggest that the Palinator's most recent moves toward an actual Presidential run should be discouraged, for truth be told, I happen to like my primary politics with generous buckets of freshly buttered popcorn.**
Nevertheless, I would gently suggest right here and now that despite the general cogency of my prose, way less than half of you actually believe that Alan Brill has a highly arching semen ball. Fine, I'm sorry if writing this somehow embarrasses him, but I had a point to make and I think I made it well, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning. . .Raymond
* see http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0211/49554.html
** see http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0211/49390.html
PS: Since games have been selling out fairly quickly over the last few weeks, the “Nanci rule” is now in effect until further notice. Named after Nanci “moral backbone of the community” Pecker, this rule simply states that if you've played in three or more games in a row, I reserve the right to wait-list you in order to allow other people a chance to play. If I do so, I'll obviously let you know when I respond to your commit.
The reality is that these surges in demand are generally self-correcting, and if it ends up affecting you at all, it's unlikely you'd be kept out of a game more than one or two times over the next several months. Regardless, you should continue to commit as normal, which is to say whenever you're reasonably close to certain that you'll actually be able to play. And as always, call me a capricious Hun if you must…
2/18/11
Softball: The Organizational Dialectic of Feast and Famine
Dear People,
There will (likely) be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as now there are still six slots left. I am fully aware that there's been a hard and annoying rain fallin' these last few days, but my sources at the meteorological desk at the Armenian consulate in Livermore assure me that it will be mostly sunny throughout the weekend, and because Codornices has drainage so fine that it makes me break down and weep, I'm 83% certain that we'll be good to go.
The point is that I still need a few more players and I don't want to be trolling around for them tomorrow, so transcend your fears, stop dicking around and make that commit. Indeed, there's no need to hesitate since this week's field fee is just $4, and that includes complimentary post-game limo service between the park, BART and Bongo Burger. . . Raymond 845-7552
PS: Given the weather, you will need to check your email Sunday morning around 10….
2/19/11
Softball: Saturday 3PM: An Early Concession to Climatological Reality-Tragic, Cold and Wet
Dear People,
As you know, my eyes swell with the tears of 1,000 orphaned mole rats whenever I have to cancel a game, but the hard reality is that I just drove by Codornices and her infield is now a flooded malarial lagoon of unspeakably rancid mud-slime. Even worse, it's now my belief that in order for her to be playable by 11AM tomorrow, it would have to stop raining immediately and then reach 2,600 degrees by sunrise. We could hope, but that's just not going to happen.
Patience/Courage/Until next week….Raymond