2/12/99
Softball: To Honor Those Who Paved the Way
Dear People,
It is early Friday morning and we are still shamefully short of a quorum for tomorrow's game. Yes, I realize that my last call for commits was somewhat terse in tone and scope, and that as vulnerable and emotionally complex individuals, you need to be nurtured with soothing cyberwhispers that validate both your organizational fears and athletic pain. I understand that. Nevertheless, this is not the time to play hard to get, and I don't mean that simply because tomorrow's game will be on the day before Valentine's day (Though in point of fact, I can think of no game that is as quintessentially romantic as softball, and indeed, I would assume all agree that the inherent tension between pitcher and batter produces one of the most suggestively sensual relationships in all of sport).
No, tomorrow's game is special because, as you undoutedly know, February 13th is the 104th anniversary of the birth of Jack "crab nose" Warhop, the legendary Yankee pitcher who gave up the first home run that Babe Ruth ever hit (on May 15th, 1915). I get teary eyed just thinking about the significance of that event, those two men, and this anniversary. As you can imagine, Jack had a difficult life, what with the import of that pitch and the obvious inconvenience of having what looked like a red crustacean growing on the middle of his face. Still, he was always a gracious giant of the game, and we as his progeny owe him respect. So make that commit. Do it for Jack "crab nose" Warhop, whose pivotal role in baseball history is only overshadowed by the sheer dimensions of his apparently appalling snout....Raymond
2/12/99
Softball: The Bitter Herb of Seduction Rejected
Dear People,
As you know, I feel the raw naked shame of a thousand freshly shorn virgin lambs whenever I have to call off a game. Nevertheless, I must accept the fact that my last appeal only snared two more players, and thus with a mere 11 commits total, I have no choice but to cancel the planned festivities (Unfortunately, I'm simply too busy to resort to my traditional level three backup plan, in which I threaten people by phone until they agree to commit).
I do not know if the great grandchildren of Jack "crab nose" Warhop are aware of what has transpired here today, but even if they were to remain forever oblivious, I would like to just say for the record that I personally had no intention of dissing the crabmeister, on this, his 104th... Raymond
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