1/16/02
Softball: A Gratuitous Excursion into Current Events
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s resplendent 18-15 return to our cherished Codornices grazing tundra. Both teams played with breathtaking aerobic vigor as well as a clarion Je ne sais quoi that oozed palpable respect for the surrounding grasses and aphidic societies. And in fairness, the fact that Jeremy’s team left the tying run on loaded bases in the bottom of the 9th should not be seen as a "defeat" in the technical sense of the word, but rather as a potential victory deferred until that exact configuration of peoples is brought together again, sometime in the next 30-50 years.
Regardless, I would like to make three brief comments of dubious relevance to the game in question:
1) A few of Jeremy’s players seemed to be muttering that Michael L’s decision to continue on the 8th day of a 10-day fast was not "helping" his performance at first base, and that in fact the fast may have been the reason so many utterly playable grounders went traipsing through his spindly little protein-starved legs on their way to distant right field. Perhaps. But I for one will not cast aspersions on the intrinsic nature of any man’s relationship with his woman, his dog or his food, for if a guy wants to cleanse, who am I to demand otherwise?
Truth be told, though, I did gently offer Michael some organic snacking butters in the bottom of the 6th, but he stoically declined. Of course he then promptly proceeded to drag his entire team into the ghastly abyss of hopeless recreational despair. Pity.
2) I imagine that some of you are expecting me to make some snide remark about the fact that as we played on that fateful day---oblivious and innocent---George W. Bush was in the process of watching a football game alone in his White House lair when he suddenly choked on a pretzel, lost consciousness, and fell flat on his Presidential face. Well, out of respect for that storied office, I will not resort to cheap or crass derision, and in fact, I would gently point out that at the precise moment of executive chokeage, the Baltimore Ravens had just scored on a magnificent 30 yard pass from Elvis Grbac to Travis Taylor. No, the liberal press conveniently failed to mention that, but when one considers that Dubya was absorbing the shock of that throw, breathing, and chewing on a pretzel all at the same time, well, I think we can all agree this is not the day or medium in which to question the mind-body cohesion of our national leadership.
3) Like most of you, I was deeply grieved to learn that England’s Prince Harry had been caught smoking marijuana, an insidious and clearly illegal weed that has no place in the House of Windsor. Frankly, I’m not really sure what I can do to help Prince Charles in his delicate role as failed King wanna-be and father to the stoner in question.
Nevertheless, as a token gesture of my commitment to the health of the monarchy, I would like to announce that Harry will no longer be welcome at our games until, and only until, he has completely and unequivocally beat his terrible addiction. Yeah, it’s not easy to enforce such bitter tough love, but unlike most of you, I happen to believe that incentives have a role to play in both our national economy and the curbing of unseemly indiscretions among the royal youth.
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In any case, and as most of you know, this weekend marks the 139th anniversary of the birth of Jonkhr Frans Beelaerts van Blokland, the eminent Dutch foreign minister who diplomatic colleagues affectionately called "Fred." And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
1/18/02
Softball: Your Cardiovascular Good-Time Sport
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now there are still four slots left.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes a complimentary stash of fresh cholesterol lowering statin drugs, illegally imported from Madagascar, but fully guaranteed for both potency and purity…..Raymond 845-7552
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